Many clients who I see for coaching sessions, be that male or female, often want some advice on dating. Being single these days is a minefield. We have the longest working hours in Europe and many of us simply don’t have the time to meet someone new. Add to this the crippling insecurities that plague our society, faced with airbrushed perfection every day from all angles and it’s no surprise we mainly spend our free time watching TV. Cue more focus on our inadequacies via the perfect media role models and the problem comes full circle.

Lap dancing has seen a steady rise in popularity, for the uninitiated, men (mainly) pay women to dance for them in various states of undress. The men can’t touch the women and after a few minutes the ‘dance’ is over. Traditionally this was an activity that was popular with stag parties, but statistically the ‘industry’ has seen a huge rise in the amount of solo clients. Men who are bored and increasingly lonely. With divorce on the rise, marriage being later in life than before and huge immigration in the UK, the competition just keeps getting tougher.

What if you are so shy that you can’t talk to women? What if you haven’t had a girlfriend in a long time? What if your office is mainly full of other men (heterosexuality assumed)? How about a place you can go to where attractive women will stroke you ego and your thighs for the same cost as a dating website membership. You can see the appeal.

Comments from men, taken from the referenced Times article below include, “A 29-year-old soldier says he sees it as a confidence boost, taking it as a compliment when a girl comes up to talk to him” and “Lap dancing is for lonely people,” says a 42-year-old property developer, propping up the bar with a bottle of champagne that he is keen to share. “It’s hard for them to talk to women, here it’s easier.”

Like prostitutes before them, lap dancers often wax lyrical about being surrogate marriage advisers and counsellors with benefits. What does this say about our society? Again statistically, as much as 80% of women in prostitution have been sexually abused as children. Many lap dancing clubs are known for providing ‘extras’ with VIP areas full of girls giving sexual favours for extra cash. The clubs of course deny this, but repeatedly women who are dancers will report on this practice.

The net result is that we have a group of damaged women, with low self esteem, taking their clothes off for money and a group of men, with low self esteem seeking their counsel.

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The Times

Clubs used for Sex - Chameleon Fridays